a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
