Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize