please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
