His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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