he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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