I could make wine with my vomit
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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