I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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