shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize