i think my tv is drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
