she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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