Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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