I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
