wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
