I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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