Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
