I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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