My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
