Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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