i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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