how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
