Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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