Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
