did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
