Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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