Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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