She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
