i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
