he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So squirting runs in the family.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
