Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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