Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
