Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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