It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
