I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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