My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
