New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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