I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's never too late to be topless.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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