u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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