oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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