and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
