He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
