do herpes really smell.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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