a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
birth control should be required to get into college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
