so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am full of burrito and curiosity
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize