where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
