It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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