New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
