like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
