You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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