good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
