I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
These tits shall not be calmed
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