I wish I could punch you in the face.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
