I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
