piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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