1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
