"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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