Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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