I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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