Dual....:-)
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
birth control should be required to get into college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
