OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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