I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize