my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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