Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
